Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i think i have two assholes
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
