At least make sure they are 18
Why
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
