need another drink. this is the easiest way
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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