i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
