is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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