I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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