dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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