he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize