I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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