I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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