One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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