Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It was confusing and full of hummus
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
