oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
