I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
