The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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