Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
