I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
