dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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