i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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