Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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