If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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