You can't special order awesome
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
