i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
