I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
