She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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