im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
