dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
