I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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