I wanna bring you to show and tell
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
