of course. lets lasso hookers.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
