You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
