he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
