Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
