don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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