Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
