I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
