im drinking this country out of the recession.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
