i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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