He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Shame is for Republicans.
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