apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
