I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
