he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
