He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
