Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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