He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
