I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
