it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The air taste purple.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
