the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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