Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Found your dick twin last night
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
