I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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