I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
