I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize