I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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