So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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