so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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