I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
