just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
