I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
