No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize