once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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