I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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