just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
