Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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