I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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