I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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