I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
